If

If a Duck

2012-01-03T23:08:00.000-07:00

OUch.

In Michael W. Smith's song, "Cross of Gold", the cross, worn as jewelry from a chain around the neck, represents someone's Christian identification. The question is: Are you genuine?

Video: Michael W. Smith - Cross of Gold (1993 Live in Concert)

If I Could Just Say Everything Instantaneously

2011-11-18T00:18:00.001-07:00

"Dissing the Queen is not what I mean,"
I explained, "by liking the loon."

If Church Folk Would Clap Their Hands

2011-10-14T22:19:00.000-06:00

If I Could Keep Myself in a Sin(ner)less Environment

2011-06-25T07:14:00.018-06:00

The wonders and downfalls of: the Christian bubble.

If Momentous Events Are Significant

2011-03-28T21:11:00.017-06:00

The "moment" and the "un-moment".
Could it be that both are vital?

If Only the Churches Could be in Unison

2011-03-23T19:49:00.006-06:00

The unity and unison line sounded very plausible. “What do you mean?” He asked.

If Favourable Happenings are the Gauge to Determine How Much God Loves Us

2011-03-19T14:44:00.020-06:00

“God must hate us then! Look what has been happening to us!” they cried out.

If - On Tour

2011-03-18T00:34:00.005-06:00

Photos and souvenirs from the recent hypothetical 'If' tour:

If Jesus had a Blog

2009-03-30T16:35:00.006-06:00

If Jesus had a blog,
it might be a bit like the imaginary blog that Brant Hansen has on his own blog, Letters to Kamp Krusty.

Brant Hansen is a host for WAY FM, a Christian radio station. He's a satirist, and has a way of putting things that I just thrive on. I wish that I had come up with 'If Jesus had a Blog' before he did!

As for the place of satire, sarcasm, irony, humour, and wit in Christianity: It has a role that can be invaluable. Christians should be honest enough with themselves to be able to accept critical thinking! (Hopefully, you've recognized some of these things on the website you are visiting right now.) Hypothetical thinking can make the truth a bit more obvious to us. It is like building a model to see if the idea would make sense in reality.

'If Jesus had a blog', comes complete with hypothetical blog followers who comment on the posts. The star commenter seems to be 'horsegurl 1998'.

If There Was No Such Thing as the BAX

2009-03-20T09:59:00.006-06:00

"Check his vital signs," the medic explained to the distraught woman on the phone.

"But I don't know how to do that!" the woman responded.

"It's easy: Does he have a wallet in his pocket?" the doctor asked.

"Yes."

"Check to see if he has a birth certificate. If he does, he's fine."

If a Prophet Told You

2009-03-14T00:00:00.001-06:00

Have you become a member of 'Christians Anonymous'?

If Us Protestants Could Have Only One Denomination

2009-02-22T00:00:00.005-07:00

"We should do away with all of our denominations," they blurted out, before they had a chance to think the statement through.

If I Could Just Find a Random Verse

2009-02-15T16:03:00.015-07:00

Bibliomancy:

Divination by opening a book (especially the Bible) at random, the first verse presenting itself being taken as a prognostication of future events. Before the Bible, in pagan times, Homer and Virgil were similarly used.

If it Were not Possible to Get to Church in a Motor Vehicle

2009-02-11T09:43:00.007-07:00

It is so very easy these days to attend any church of your specific taste, and to up and go to greener pastures...

If Non-Christians Would Just be Like Christians

2009-02-05T00:00:00.004-07:00

"I keep telling the heathens to stop acting like heathens, but they just won't!"

If There Weren't So Many Demons

2009-01-21T00:00:00.006-07:00

Give the Devil as little attention as he deserves. Don't be like 'the Backwards Lady'...

If I Have a Diet Cola

2009-01-17T06:14:00.008-07:00

Fooling myself is when I actually (sort of) start believing my own balderdash.

If Heaven Went By Merit

2009-01-13T14:54:00.018-07:00

"If heaven went by merit, you'd stay out and your dog would go in."

Mark Twain

Smokey

Smokey was my dog when I was a kid. My home was at a church complex and gentle Smokey was accustomed to constant attention by many people. "Even their dog is saved," somebody had said.

But even lovable Smokey did things that weren't heavenly. I knew. It was my responsibility to bury the rotting, maggot infested groundhog carcasses he'd regularly bring to the back yard. One day, I witnessed my dog killing a groundhog - killing it slowly: shaking it until all of its bones must have basically rattled apart from each other, then taunting it, then shaking it again, and repeating.

The worst of what an animal does is because it is driven by instincts. Still, this absolutely pales in comparison to the evil that people do for no reason other than sin.

I'm glad that heaven doesn't go by merit.

If Churches Couldn't Form Committees

2009-01-09T21:08:00.017-07:00

Does Jesus really want us to form a 'love committee'?

If I Set Out a Fleece

2009-01-06T22:23:00.008-07:00

Making any plans for the new year?

Merry Christmas to All of my Site Visitors!

2008-12-21T16:30:00.022-07:00

A couple of Christmas things for you:

...........................................................................................................

Here's one that's been around for a while. I first heard it when Pastor Will included it in a Christmas sermon...

Sunday School Christmas Lesson

On the Sunday before Christmas, the Sunday school class was asked to draw pictures of the Christmas Story.

After the class was over, a little child showed her father her artwork.

Looking at the picture, her father asked why she had drawn an airplane when everyone else had made a picture of the Christmas story.

‘That’s the flight into Egypt.’ she matter-of- factly explained.

“Oh yes”, her dad responded. “ I see Mary and Joseph and Baby Jesus are on the plane, but who is this in the front of the plane?”

“That’s Pontius the pilot.” She replied.

“And who is this big fat guy in the back?” he asked.

“He’s Round John Virgin.”

...........................................................................................................

And now...
(drum roll)
I present to you:

The Turtledove!

For some time, I've secretly been working on a labour of love in the back shed. Now, just in time for Christmas, I am unveiling the project to you:

I've successfully bred a small, but genuine flock of the original and legendary turtle dove! This is a photo of one of the finer specimens in my back yard coop.

*Note:
My turtle dove should not be confused with the common, unshelled variety. Any dove without a shell is just 'a dove'. The doves I have raised have been bred to reflect the original and true turtle dove.
(A message to the Creation Museum: Could you please contact me? Maybe we could do some business together.)

If I Had More Luck With My Concordance

2008-12-19T16:47:00.010-07:00

(*click on the highlighted words to maximize this internet experience)

E-Concordance Search Results for Christmas Terms:

E-Concordance search results for the word ‘Christmas’ :
No instances of the word or similar word have been found in any version of the Bible.

E-Concordance search results for the word ‘Noel’:
No instances of the word or similar word have been found in any version of the Bible.
Did you mean to search using the French language concordance?

E-Concordance search results for the phrase ‘silent night’:
No instances of the phrase or similar phrase have been found in any version of the Bible.

E-Concordance search results for the phrase ‘little drummer boy’:
No instances of the phrase or similar phrase have been found in any version of the Bible.

E-Concordance search results for the phrase ‘wise men at the stable’:
No instances of the phrase or similar phrase have been found in any version of the Bible.

E-Concordance search results for the phrase ‘star above the stable’:
No instances of the phrase or similar phrase have been found in any version of the Bible.

E-Concordance search results for the phrase ‘no crying He makes’:
No instances of the phrase or similar phrase have been found in any version of the Bible.
Did you mean to search for the phrase ‘Jesus wept’?

E-Concordance search results for the word ‘Advent’ :
No instances of the word or similar word have been found in any version of the Bible.
*We suggest you try: Arnbreuster's Exhaustive Dictionary of Extra-Biblical Terms.

If I Wouldn't Have Misunderstood

2008-12-17T23:02:00.023-07:00

(Little did the children know, that coincidentally, Louetta had recently been fending off the advances of this same named dork they so earnestly were singing about...)

If I wouldn't have misunderstood...

I certainly would have had less anxiety.
I wouldn't have got so miffed.
I would have seen that her opinion about the issue is a lot closer to my own than I had thought.
I wouldn't have bad mouthed them.
I wouldn't have thought that he didn't like me much.
I wouldn't have spent much of the night lying awake thinking about it.
I wouldn't have exerted so much mental energy plotting a response.
I wouldn't have got all in knots about it for nothing.

That's the way it would have been
if I wouldn't have misunderstood.

If Only My Birthday Wasn't on a Holiday!

2008-12-15T17:25:00.006-07:00

Unfortunately for me, my birthday is on a holiday. Actually, I share my birthday with the biggest holiday there is: Christmas Day.

Other December babies tell me that they can relate with my feelings. However, there is a big difference between a birthday on the first week of December and having your big day on December 25th. The enormity of Christmas Day completely overshadows my birthday. Everyone is really stoked about the Christmas holiday - I feel like my birthday is a mere side event. Sometimes I wonder if it is just an inconvenience to people and they feel an obligation to give some attention to my birthday when they are already giving so much effort to the whole Christmas thing. Yeah, there is so much hoopla: Lots of shopping for gifts. All the lights. Trees. Decorations. Santas. Pageants. Singing. TV specials. Visiting. Banquets... The list goes on.... And then, somewhere in all of this, my birthday. (Sigh.)

I can’t help think that there’s a lot more excitement for the opening of the gifts under the tree than for my birthday. Usually everybody’s too stuffed from the Christmas dinner and Christmas cake to have any of my birthday cake. People greet me with ‘Merry Christmas’, and usually not with ‘happy birthday’.

I am not going to blame everyone for this. It isn’t everybody’s fault that I happened to be born on their big holiday. It’s just that sometimes I wish that I could have a birthday on another day - a day not near any other special day, like the way most other people I know have it...

I just wouldn’t mind if I'd be given a bit more attention - a few more people in the throngs that are saying ‘seasons greetings’ and ‘ho ho ho' that would remember that it is my day too, and say to me, ‘Happy birthday to you, Jesus!’ ...

If Doctors Never Cut the Cords

2008-12-13T00:00:00.010-07:00

"In a way
it would be ok
if doctors never cut the cords."

If Jesus was Enough

2008-12-05T21:56:00.004-07:00

Doesn't the Good Book say:
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will have you bouncing off the walls?"

Read Matthew 11:28 to read what Jesus really said.

If... I Sin

2008-11-27T14:50:00.008-07:00

If I am not in Christ,
Sin
Is part of who I am.
It is included in the definition of myself.

If I am in Christ
Sin
attempts to make me
who I am not.
Christ is included in the definition of myself.

*yet...
2 Corinthians 5:21

If I Were Meant to Always Take the Bible Literally

2008-11-22T17:00:00.001-07:00

If Christians Would Just Try Harder

2008-11-21T13:35:00.001-07:00

If Christian Women Would Just Have More Babies

2008-11-21T11:37:00.004-07:00

It has been said, that God has no grandchildren...

If There Was no Such Thing (as Christianity)

2008-11-20T23:48:00.002-07:00

If Only, Christians, and Other People, Were of a Higher Standard

2008-11-19T16:16:00.002-07:00